My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
