My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
