just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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