Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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