I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
