we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
