the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
