Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
