My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So much Jack, so little girl.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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