im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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