I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Two words: nipple clamps
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