around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
