Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
