my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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