the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
