His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
