He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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