All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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