Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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