mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
