Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
