I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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