There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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