took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
