OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
