I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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