A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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