Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
