sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
