She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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