I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
