me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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