Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
