why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Randomize
