Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
