Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
