my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
