I wanna bring you to show and tell
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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