i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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