Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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