What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
