I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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