so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
