So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
