oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
