the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
