shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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