we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
