he wants to bone in the snuggie
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
