What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i wish my penis had a tongue
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
