ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dicks are not precious.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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