I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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