so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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