Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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