NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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