oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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