Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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