Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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