Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
