if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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