i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
