I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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