you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She is in my trunk
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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