Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Randomize
