And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
