I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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