this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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