I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
