weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
