I think my vagina is haunted
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize