When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
