she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
