Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize