So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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