You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize