dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
